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Oh my, do I need a drink
Because Red's turning to pink
Before you know I’m turning blue
And that's not really my hue
There once was a moment in time
The 'Stute wrote a witty fine rhyme
Seems they've gone down the drain
And it drives me insane
So two Shirleys…… make that five
That may bring them back to my life
By the time they arrive
I have finished my dive
Into alcohol’s sweet delight
And got myself into a mean muddy fight
With that barman, who I fear
Looks like a ridiculous Teddy bear
Who's that on the corner stool?
That is Crachet! No, I am no fool!
What are you doing in here?
Lost your Chip & Dale my dear?
Or are you trying to drown
In that glass rum dark brown?
Have you seen our Doctor Moose?
Maybe he is on the loose?
Hunting for ballads and deer
In an Open atmosphere?
Has he taken my Andrew
To seek for mystery stew?
Taken him out for a drive
Showing him there's more to life
Than crayons and Lady Red?
His paraffin art is dead?
Just keep on dreaming my friend
Cause our love's without an end
King will meet me here real soon
In this great looking Saloon
Bartender... another Shirley please... hold the honey...
Lady in Red
~Juliet
Bustin' right
in with toothy grin
Let us begin! Bartenter... Gin!
Why Lady Red it must be said
Shirley's with lead will spin your head
Lovely as ever. Leave you! Never!
My Red lover there's none better.
True I've been gone, but just since dawn.
Drunk on the lawn with Moose and Ron.
Please don't ask why and dry your eye
Time we let fly with poems wry.
Now that we're back the 'Stute won't lack
King, Queen and pack. Time we attack!
With 'Stutious rhyme moodious
So loonious they'll laugh contagious.
They'll know not what from giggling glut
Falling on butt like a 'Stute nut.
Yes! Now's the thyme for our 'Stute rhyme
That and some lime for my coconut wine.
...King heads over to the jukebox and taps in
some Van the
Man Morrison... music wafts
through the
bar... Ya put the lime in the
coconut and
drink it all up... Care to dance
my Lady in
Red? I learned a few new moves
from Alien
Elvis out at Area 51. Check out the
hips.... ahhhh
thankya Mam! Thankya very much!
"I'm a
poor lonesome cowboy"
And a long, long way from home
I'm the poor Lonely Cowboy
But I’m also called Jerome"
Hiya gals! Having a drink?
Bartender one root beer!
That's one neat place ol' Doc has made
After his hunt for Balladeer
It's what they call a holodeck
With real drinks, guys and gals
He even made a holo-bear
To serve his Loony pals
Hey guys, found the remote control!
Lets try out this new toy
Now yar here and now yar not
Hehe, this toy's a piece of joy
Yoo look those two look exactly like
Ol' Crachet and Lady Red
What chance to pinch around a bit
Normally it would mean my dead!
A squeezy here, a squeezy there
Oh darn Nurse C. that hurts!
Ya didn't have to hit that hard
Now I see the world in blurs!
I really do apologize
See I'm down on me knees
I thought ya were a hologram
That's the truth, hope ya ladies do see!
Now let me buy us all a drink
In honor of this new Stute place
To all of us and King and Doc
Now can we start the beer race?
Yoo Pooh, give the Ladies a drink
will ya and
get that lovable look off
yar snout! I
got the remote remember?
Mwahahaha I
luv remote power!
Uhh? What's that? "It's now or neveeeeer...
the 'Stute
won't dieeeeeeeeeee"
Yoo King! I didn't see ya! Grap a stool!
Pooh...Gin for
King!
Why thank you
Justin N
How good to see you too
Make it tonic and gin
Yes indeed, that should do.
Say, what's this number box
That says Holo Remote?
Can I press a button?
Hey! Poohbear's now a goat!
You say this is Moose tech
He designed this holo
Well hey now, what the heck
Thyme for water polo!
First a pool full of gin
Then a two piece for Red
Blip some pony floats in
The perfect water bed.
Please, do watch the splashing
You'll bruise this precious drink
What? Five minutes is up!
Game over! Down the sink!
You know Sir Justin N
Might I propose a deal?
Charge a dollar a sin
You're sure to make a kill.
And with my marketing
Skills to have them running
Soon we'll be in money
Up to Pooh's big tummy.
Call it "Holo's R Us"
Or "Images by Stute"
So Justin, what cha say?
Justin?
Hey! Did you hit mute?
Hello welcome to my bar,
I am Passions Poohbear,
Whether you have staggered from near or far
I have to tell you I really care
about STABBING this knife
Into this pot of Hunny.
So sit down tell me your woes and strife
If you bore me I will END YOUR LIFE
of boredom with a nice alcoholic drink.
You know once my mind was deformed
I was evil Poohbear a Charley Manson loony
Now I am addicted to Valium and Prozac and reformed.
My conscience is clean my thoughts are of purity
I am Passions Poohbear, a kind bartender
Shall I regale you with a song, sonnet or rhyme
As you become increasingly drunk on this alcohol bender?
No I shall tell you about me been fanatically happy all the time.
I am child friendly even for the ones under age three,
I have no small parts that they may choke on.
I love animals, cuddling them but not pestering,
they are my furry friends, I no longer ***** heads
or use knifes to***** limbs,
I am so clean minded the Barney looks evil beside me.
I am the ultimate product of child safety sterility.
I want to be your friend hug me and have a happy, happy day.
Passion's
Poohbear wasn't there
Passion's Poohbear had no cares
Passion's Poohbear wasn't very lovey dovey.
For he loved only his honey
And he carried a knife
If you asked for a smackrel, he'd end you life!
Yes, he's our bartender its true
And he serves the best of the drink,
Put Prozac must be the tip due
Happy thoughts are all he should think.
Hmmmm...Hey Red...Justin N... Me thinks the
Poohbear needs
to be turned back into a goat.
But before you
do... one more gin and tonic please.
Whiskey is not
good for a fairy
I've heard tales it makes a chest hairy
So I'll sip a glass of wine
Where's my chair- no this is mine
Wow that wine was a doozy
And I'm feeling kind of woozy
It's way better than pixie dust
Someone will drive me home I trust?
Wait... where do I live? whats my address?
Can drinking really cause such a mess
Someone help me I see cant straight
...Oh hey goodlookin wanna go on a date?
Hey what are those pretty flashing lights?
No occifer I swear I have a place to stay tonight
I'm not as thunk as u drink I am
Talk about slaughter of an innocent lamb
What'd you say I'm going to jail??
Nooooo who is gonna get me out on bail?!?!?
Wipe the sleep
stricken dew away Juliet
Frost the glasses with intoxication
Float olives of past memories sailing
Awoken dreams of future make my bed now
Funny colored crayons were an illusion
Little pot holes of pavement can't swallow
Wholeness of destiny within my escape
Chips of men wrapped around little finger
Sweet Dales of which go further unnoticed
Slapped within sovereign multitudes of time
I drown in this sea of darkened rum fun
Bubbling my slurred words into a foam
Lather of pleasant idiotic nonsense.
Dig your roaring taste in music Mister King
Your dance card has this nurses name engraved
Slick me across the dance floor with your charm
I doubt your energy is quite to die for
As you wind your ego into a knot
You've ripped the winkle from my weary sails
My apologizes for my drained stamina
Excuse me I must refresh my weakness
Passions pooh another darkened rum please
Justin give me your overactive remote
Packaged hallucinations will crack you
You've all gone classical minded crazy
I shall return to help Doc Moose manage
A new face for
the stute to see,
Call me Tex if ya'll please.
A cowboy from Texas riding a shetlin steed.
'Cause my height is but 3 feet.
Lassoing the bar climbing the stool.
With the deep voice his true tool
Bartender a draft for me please,
A double shot for my steed.
He rides better if he can't see.
Now a request 'tween you and me.
A round for all here to pass,
A rose for the red dressed lass.
Start a tab I'll let you know,
I'll kindly pay as I go.
Yeah a dollar
a sin sounds good to me
When do we open the doors?
I can hear the crowd just outta there
Yelling "we want more!"
Pretty soon we'll be taking a dive
In mountains of green delight
A dollar for me, a dime for you
Two cents for good ol' Moose
Btw where did Doc go to?
Or did ya hit again that mute?
Zap the great deer hunter
Right outta this 'Stute?
Yeek King ya better watch that dwarf
He's getting out of hand
He seems to think that Lady Red
Is undiscovered land!
Ya better watch it Texas
Cuz King has crayons red
Before you even know it
Yar face looks bloody red
No Pooh ya better keep yar mind
With honey and Pooh honor
The bloodiest that you can make
Is a Mary of that color!
Whatcha say King, are we in business?
Seems like the
perfect deal to me Sir.
With you
around lead turns to gold
But why were you passed out
On the lawn with Moose and Ron?
Discussing Ceres no doubt!
Poor Ron, he has a real hard time
Ceres wanders off I've heard
The girl has lost her heart disk drive
To a Giga computer nerd
Oh Tinkerbell, now what you've done!
Look at that hairy chest!
In no time you'll have corkscrew curls
To stuff ONE FLEW OVER's nest!
You should have stuck to wine dear Tink
Not Whisky! Look at you girl!
No doubt tomorrow you will be
Completely covered by fur
Dear Mother Crachet's gone I fear
Up to her neck in rum
Still dreaming of her royal dance
That's a serious delirium!
Perhaps you ought to grant her once
The joy of dancing my King
But careful with those hips my dear
She fears the Elvis swing
Before we dance 'Drew would you be so kind
To take care of Texas my dear?
'Cause he's sticking his nose into affairs
Where it doesn't belong I fear
Now Pooh your prozac worries me
We better call Doc Moose
He has this awesome lobotomy room
Where he'll surely cure all your woes
Please Justin N. may I ask you my friend
And here's a dollar for you
To set the scene to a dance for two
Dip the lights to my favourite hue
The band starts to play our favourite tune
With King at my side all feels right
In his arms is where I found my home
Lets dance 'til morning's first light
Lady in Red
~Juliet~
I'm working on
the math
And your deal seems quite fair
I'll draw up a contract
Crayon's will be my share
A dime for a dozen
Will keep me in my wax
Though I'll be set back some
By all that darn sales tax
So fire up the mote
Let this circus begin
I got plenty tickets
And a full bottle gin
Come one! Come all! Step right in!
Pay your dollar at the door
To frolic in your sin!
There's always room for more!
Well, Welcome Texas dwarf
Is your cousin E. Fudd?
No, never mind all that
You look not like that spud!
Roses for Red, that's fine
Looking is OK too.
But go much further Tex
You'll make one fine goo-stew.
See, I am the 'Stute King
And Red is my dear Queen
Now that we're together
No one shall come between
And with all of that said
Here's a special stir stick
Made of paraffin gel
Gives any drink a kick.
Pooh! A Napalm for Tex
And let him light his own.
Red, why don't you step clear
Heads are about to be blown.
Ha… music to my ears
I think a dance is due
Lady Red, please don't mind
Nurse C has asked me too.
It was dangerous when
Last we cut this fine rug
I'll trip the lights lightly
But I fear strings I'll tug.
We'll dip and sway away
We'll tangle in tango
I'll light your fire's flame
But still there is shadow.
Enjoy this dance Nurse C
With all my fondest hope
When to Red I return
You'll be able to cope.
Hmmm… What's with the fur ball?
I must be seeing things
I swear it just flew up
On a pair of wee wings!
Poohbear! You got trouble!
I am certain of that!
Either I've drank to much
Or you got a flying rat!
What? That's Tinker you say
Not some aero-rodent!
To much whisky triggers
This hair-rific event!
I think a Lady Schick
Will be just the ticket
For our little Tinker
She IS the thick of it.
Oh my last
night was a blur
And what’s the deal with this fur?
I tried to shave it off
but the hair snips made me cough
Oh my, Oh dear, what am I to do?
Hey don't laugh.. just think this could be YOU!
I've got a terrific idea to get rid of this hair
Nurse Cratchet quickly go and fetch me some Nair!!
Where's the Doc maybe he has a cure?
I don’t know about the nair I'm just not sure...
A hairless fairy? what a sight
How am I to make things right???
Oh my
goodness, Tink what can you do?
Call for Jeannie, maybe she has a clue...
A holo bed is
what I need
Make that a double please
Breakfast in bed sounds good to me
French toast with cheddar cheese
A waterbed is not for me
I do not like the waves
I'd be seasick all through the night
I'm really not that brave
A King size would be great I think
And Queen's just suits me fine
Although I might get lost in there
In sheets I'd get entwined
I'm always very good in bed
I never wet it yet
And would love to be put to bed
Would you please Lady Red?
From bed to bed I never go
I do not sleep around
I rather take inflatable
And sleep on camping ground
Yawn...this is really tiresome
* And off to sleep he dozes *
Mumbling: "Thank you Lady Red,
My life's a bed of roses"
I thought working
in a bar would like Cheers
there with Norm and guys and loads of beers
and getting Shirley Long to break into tears.
NO this is not what it is at all like
the cocktail umbrellas have been sanded, no sharp spikes,
and I know I may go a bit psycho and spastic
but was there any need to replace the kitchen knifes with plastic.
If I spill some ketchup everyone will scream
geez came down, it is not blood, just a French fry murder scene.
It is hard been an ex lunatic
everyone thinks you are still evil & sick
they are always watching their backs
in case I jump out of a hunny and attack.
Whose bright idea was it to give me this line of work?
What a fool an idiot a jerk,
do they not know ex mental patients
should never work in public relations!?!
OK ya loonies,
Justin's a bit slow, but I had
to get a
search for Doc started.
Left this note
in Open, but no sign of him yet!
One contract coming up me King! Any particular flavor?
Our good ol' Doc is on the loose
The Moose has left 'Stute ground
I’m at me wits end, yes I am
But traces I have found
I heard he travels in disguise
Looks like a Balladeer
But sometimes turns up as a
Well spoken Sonneteer
I've covered all the dirty roads
And thought I'd found his trail
But all it lead me to instead
Was loonies Chip & Dale
It’s kind of hard to realise
But Moose's really a deer
The 'Stute's not half the 'Stute it was
Let that be crystal clear
The things I do to find Doc Moose
Are truly without end
But I could use your help you know
To find our nutty friend
So when you find him hanging 'round
A bar or at rope's end
Please put this tag on his left toe
And send him to his friends
Doc Moose:
former Ballad-Deer Hunter
Please return
to: Corner Pub
Favorite
flavor? As if you didn't know...
make it Red
with whip cream and a cherry.
A few
sprinkles on the side should do nicely...
and on the
bottom line we shall sign.
By the way... ever find the Moose?
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