Hilarious Insanity (Epic) Warning! Very Long - Very Funny!

 

Ladies and Gentlemen.

 

It is with great pride and joy I hereby present our ‘Stute epic.

With my gratitude to all ‘Stute members. I could not have done

it without your help. A special "thank you" to Andrew Scott and

Gene, for their kindness and help I received behind the scenes.

 

Lady in Red

~Juliet~

 

"Hilarious Insanity" aka "A Smile is a Memory Dear"

 

It is my first trip out with the ‘Stute

They have asked me, how could I refute

They are all wonderful

Crazy dudes and damsels

And my gratitude is absolute

 

We are out on a mad camping trip

All the uncensored Loonies from PIP

Nothing like a good joke

Suffering a brain poke

While we hunt for the monks Dale & Chip

 

‘Round the campfire here we all sit

Taz the Devil turns ‘round on the spit

Can you hear him avow

"Kick your butts! I’m not chow!"

"Can’t you see I am not a rabbit?"

 

Doctor Moose 1 arising with flair

He drops Bar-B-Q sauce with ill care

"Let this bunny run free!

He’s a Devil you see!

And besides I prefer my food rare."

 

"Now we have gathered here Justin Thyme

To give Lady in Red a swell rhyme

‘Cause we’re no lunatics

At most mentally sick

So let’s give her a really good time!"

 

"Introduce your self in a ‘Stute style

With the words that will bring forth a smile

As she listens with King

Ruler of the East Wing

Stand and speak! Let your rhymes now beguile!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Dr.Moose1

 

By way of introduction, I've been here for a while

(Elementary deduction Doc, Watson's got more style)

I came here quite by accident, a long, long time ago

(Enough of all this history crap, my lunch is 'bout to blow)

 

I've been accused of many things, most of which aren't true

(Oh yeah! Well just ask Justin N., he's got the dirt on you)

You can tell me by my paper hats, I've usually got one on

(Why don't you just 'fess up, you're whacked! You're mind's completely gone!)

 

Some say I'm schizophrenic, I dis-proved that in my thesis

(Oh come on! They'd need a shop-vac to pick up all your pieces!)

There are a couple things, to which I'm pre-disposed

(Yeah you're certifiable, like your poetry and prose)

 

I'd like to thank all of my friends at the Institute

(Will you please get this thing over with, you're one long winded fruit)

Without which I have little doubt, I'd just be a recluse

And in my present state of confusion, I'd prefer to be Dr.Moose

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Dear Doc Moose what a story chortle

Seems to me you are only mortal

Glad you found your home here

Where there is joy and cheer

As Doc Moose you are now immortal

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Andrew Scott - The Crayon King

 

Staring at the same four white walls

Such things can really get you down

So at times we go out on trips

To the Corner Pub that’s in town

 

But this time I had heard it said

We were going to where it’s green

Out amongst the squirrels and bears

To play and sing and be obscene

 

I packed all of my best crayons

And left behind all of my meds

I hope I get to share a tent

With the Lady who dresses Red

 

I’m sure that Moose has packed his vest

The one that's the brightest orange

To keep from being shot by Fudd

While he’s doing forest forage

 

I see Red brought some marshmallows

I really like to watch them cook

How they get that crispy outside

And that gooey melted wax look

 

Let us sing some campfire songs

And tell a ‘Stute story or two

Song or story the screams the same

Of which is which I have no clue

 

Last year’s outing was so much fun

With brothers Justin Thyme and Kace

Who set fire to the bear’s hat

And dared squirrels to a nut race

 

This year I have gone natural

The way that God intended us

I brought only my fanny pack

And left all my clothes on the bus

 

Yep! Andrew Scott the Crayon King

Shall enjoy this trip in the buff

I will face Mother Nature’s worst

Perhaps I should ware some earmuffs?

 

Tarzan and George of the Jungle

Have got nothing on this ‘Stute King

Take cover all forest creatures

Because I’ve got the hottest swing

 

I’ll leave my tag on everything

As I fly through the canopy

Melted crayons my royal seal

On every animal and tree

 

So come along with me Lady

Juliet how ‘bout you be Jane

We two will show these animals

Just what it means to be insane

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

My dear King, you have coloured my heart

With your crayons and paraffin art

To be Jane I’d like much

‘Cause for you I’ve gone nuts

Now forever you are my sweetheart

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin Tolerable

 

I am Justin Tolerable

and my name rings true

When you’re feeling happiness

I'll make you feel quiet blue

 

I yell and scream and throw a fuss

Just to get my way

I will punch you in the gut

Just to make my day

 

I get things that I most want

In any way I can

Don't you dare get in my way

Or tamper with my plan

 

You can never put me down

Or put me in my place

All you'll ever really do

Is get me in your face

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin T. you are often a pain

To us all, which is really a shame

You play Russian roulette

With your own silhouette

When you hit endless fame you’ll obtain

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin Nuendo

 

Here’s a story, a little weird,

but I swear it is true!

It’s about when we almost lost

our Wizard to insanity and paint blue

 

One day at sea, he got caught in a storm

he never was much of a sailor

It broke his ship and he washed ashore

hoping he’d soon find a new tailor

 

He never cared much for the Doc and Nurse C.

as they swept overboard and screamed

Just smiled the mysterious smile, we all know

when the sea burped, although so it seemed

 

He looked around on this lonely isle

never found another living soul

"I’ll just have to use my magic here

for loneliness is not my goal "

 

It would have been a different story

if not at that moment had appeared

A beast with three heads and a vicious look!

I swear, it even had a beard!

 

He cried "This is Justin Sayne, Justin Credible

I hope I am Justin Thyme

to save my precious magical butt!"

Spilling his magic during this time

 

And there we were, created out of magic

but we feared our Wizard would leave

So we made him recite 85.479 poems a day

never gave him a day of sick-leave

 

One day he cried out, in a moment of despair,

"Nan where are you when I need you most!"

Being in the shower at that particular moment

she barely heard the voice of the Wizard’s ghost.

 

Nevertheless she came to the rescue

on a Dragon as red as can be

what happened next is Justin Credible

I’ll never forget it, believe me!

 

Nan took out her vocabulary

starting to recite REAL English to us!

Driving us almost to sanity

syllabus after syllabus!!!! YEEK!

 

We cried out: "This is Justine Uff!

Please take you wizard and go! "

So she threw him over the Dragon

while dragon’s fire almost hurt our Michael Angelo

 

Who was really Justin Thyme to

change his name to Leonardo DaVinci!

and ever since then doesn’t paint anything

but in blue like the burping sea

 

Now you know the reason why

he hardly shows any of his work today

When he thinks back of his time on the isle

Magical poems are no longer his forte

 

Wanna know what happened with us Justins?

I know life sometimes is rude

Doc Moose and Nurse Crachet washed ashore

And now we are known as the Stute!

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin N. an astonishing tale

Made this up without first a cocktail?

No exaggeration?

What imagination!

Are you quite sure you’re not a female?

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

A Welcome To The Lady in Red

 

Bugs Bunny

 

Bugs Bunny’s hoppin’ in to say to you

A great big welcome to our family

A little nuts some say we are that’s true

But sweeter Looney-Toons you’ll never see.

 

We watch out for each other in the ‘Stute

We’ve made it quite the warm and cozy place

A home away from home none can refute

You’ve Justin Thyme reserved a first class space.

 

Now Justin Kace you feel a little shy

I’ll gladly introduce you all around

To all the folks so fine in great supply

Like Crayon King, Snow White and dwarfs I’ve found.

 

A doc called Moose, a nurse named Crachet, too

And Tweety Bird and Lancelot the Knight

A Wicked Witch and all the Justin crew

Will make you feel at home with all their might.

 

Just watch out for some dude named Elmer Fudd

He is the only one you need to fear

He fancies he’s a lady’s man – a stud

He even hit on Lady Guinevere

 

Relax now dear, enjoy your barbecue

We’ll roast some shrimp, grill burgers and some steak

As long as no one’s cravin’ rabbit stew

Or Taz, this picnic here, I won’t forsake.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

The most funny Loon - Toon must be you

A bit nuts perhaps, that much is true

Love to see you hop ‘round

On this greenish ‘Stute ground

Careful NOT to be shared Bar-B-Q

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elmer Fudd

 

Dear Wady in Wed,

 

Well I weally don't bewong here

Onwy visit fwom time to time

One of the other woonies

Keeps besting me at whymes

 

I'll never give up twying though

No siwwee I'll win someday

'Fwaid of that big stoopid Moose

In your dweams that's what I say

 

Nope , I'll just keep on twying

Evwybody says he's fwipped

Maybe we could get together

'pose you give Andwew the swip

 

What you ever saw in him's

A mystewy to me

Do yourself a favor Wed

You can't beat thwee foot thwee

 

Heh Heh Heh Heh Heh

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Good to see you here too Mister Fudd

They have told me you think you’re a stud

I am faithful to King

He’s got THE Pelvis swing

A good stew he does love! Watch your butt!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin Ebriated

 

And They Wonder Why I Drink

 

My daddy's locked up in the joint.

My mother's on the rag.

My sister is a streetwalker

who's living from a bag.

My cousin's name is Justin Thyme,

he's locked up in the 'Stute.

And so's his brother, Justin Kace

this fact he'd soon refute.

 

My sister, Justine Ormous,

she's a burglar in DC.

And Justin Sayne, my uncle --

he sometimes thinks he's me.

My other uncle Justin Uff,

he's hanging with a gang.

And my aunt Jest (that's Shirley U.)

just stole a blue Mustang.

 

Justin Denial, my big bro,

is very much my friend!

Justin the nick of Thyme, he came,

with bottles full again!

And people wonder why I drink

and drown out all my cares--

when Justin Sayne, my other cousin

stole our MS shares!

 

That stock today could make us rich!

(Well, Bill is rich as hell!).

But Justin Kace you didn't know,

he first stole then said, "Sell!"

Within a day, that Justin Sayne

sold out our second chance!

And then my uncle, Justin Trude,

refused to take a stance!

 

See, Justin Trude, he was a judge

elected by the state.

But he eloped and disappeared--

t'was too much on his plate.

"Our family's too dysfunctional",

my uncle Justin said.

And then he ran off with this whore

and landed Justin Bed.

 

They say to be Anonymous

would help my mind to think

of why I have decided that

I have to take a drink!

Well, here and now, I'm telling you

I think that they are blind!

They just don't know no families

that are the Justin kind.

 

They call us Justins horrible...

a screwed up, awful bunch.

And then they wonder why I drink....

I'm drinking them for lunch!

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

A sad story indeed. What abuse!

Being quarry you cannot but lose

Always pull up your stakes

With your only escape

To be drowned in Old Glory and booze

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Nurse Crachet

 

Well, this is quite funny

I'm here with Bugs Bunny,

Bashful, Snow White,

Elmer Fudd, Rapunsel,

Tweety & Sylvester,

Unknown Poet,

all the Justin's

sorry I don't think you

want a list, and I forgot my

Laptop unless

ONE FLEW OVER

did his usually swiping act.

What are you sitting on

over there that looks so familiar?

Don't worry no need to go there

now, this weekend is for fun.

Don't worry Doc Moose

I see you cooking marshmallows

for us all to have Smores,

and Andrew my dear sweet,

I see you cuddling up to my

darling daughter Juliet,

and those are mighty nice

Wizard pyjama's Andrew.

 

I want this to be fun

but not dangerous

so the sleeping quarters

will be gender segregated.

there's two cabins

one for guys,

and you guessed it

one for the gals.

Bashful will be in charge

of the guys cabin

and of course I will uphold

the gals cabin.

In the morning we’ll all meet

under the Pavilion over there

to have our breakfast

and plan for the days activities.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Hello Crachet who is Kindheart too

Never thought you could split up in two

Does it hurt very much

To feel Kindheart’s kind touch

Or is she just your alter ego?

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Bashful

 

I am timid, shy and scared

Lost from love and unprepared

I will always hide about

Watching people play and shout

 

You won't see my color true

Red is such a pretty hue

I wear it well upon my face

It's always there and with such grace

 

Rarely will you see my face

Running free around this place

I hide behind the rubber tree

That is where I want to be.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Here we have the most lovable guy

Who no doubt is a tiny bit shy

If I’d kiss your red cheek

Would you think I’m a freak?

Or your blushing just intensify?

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Cheshire Grin

 

Fiddle dee dee

And me makes me three

The Grin, The Cat, The Tale

Chasing Milk Duds all day

Whittling hours away

Skeining yarn with his tail

 

The Yellow Brick Road

Is yellow, you know

For the world is my sand box

On blankets I shed

On Nurse Cratchet's bed

My grin immune to her locks

 

If the Lady in Red

Would scritch my head

Right behind the ears

I'd hide all the pills

They put in the swill

To keep at bay your fears

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

A Cheshire Grin, well how about that

Fiddle dee dee, the Grin, what a Cat

A cat with swing and sway

We truly hope he'll stay

He is a Kit-cat aristoCrAT

 

My goodness, an authentic Cheshire

For what more can this Lady desire

What a beauty he is

He will be a real bliss

‘Round my shoulders for all to admire

 

I’ll let you have a real Cheshire nap

Every day on the Lady Red’s lap

A scratch behind your ears

A gorgeous grin appears

Never again we will need dude-traps

 

This ‘Stute tree you may call your new home

Your Personal Cheshire Hippodrome

A Venus’s flytrap?

A catnip for nightcap?

You’ll be the PURfect CATastrophe

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

ONE FLEW OVER

 

Oh me, oh my, I'll slap that fly

before he lands on your thigh.

Wha what, wh who am I?

I'm ONE FLEW OVER

been here longer than Crachet,

I gave her a bed of clover.

My cage couldn't hold me anymore

I always found an open door.

I taught the Justin's all they know

some of the other's were a bit slow.

When Crachet arrived everything changed

everyone became quite deranged.

I can throw a pie a mile and a half

and don't you dare even laugh.

Food fights are my perfection

and it gets me quite a lot of affection.

When you see me Lady in Red

just make sure you duck under the bed.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Oh golly, a food fight I love it!

With pies all gooey, my favourite

I like them flying high

Through the air by and by

Didn’t mean that to be a full hit!

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin Sayne

 

This campfire is Justin Sayne

Who are these loonies here?

They've all escaped and they should be

Back in the ‘Stute, I fear.

 

We're Justin Thyme to gather them

To bring them back again

Their beds are made and dinner's served

Let's get back in the van.

 

They're huddled here to tell their tale

They're all Justin Secure

Let's all go back to where it's safe

Lobotomy's the cure.

 

There's Justin Kace with Justin Thyme

Where ever he now goes

Before we go let's take some Thyme

To toast these marshmallows

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

I am pleased, although it is insane

You are worried so much ‘bout our pain

Let me tell you my dear

There is nothing to fear

Lobotomy’s been sent down the drain

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin Kace

 

Now Justin Kace my brother has

Some trouble in the world

I have to go along with him

As freedom is unfurled

 

We never know what lurks ahead

What obstacles we'll meet

But Justin Kace a problem brews

I fend off all the heat.

 

So, Justin Thyme, I'm always there

To help you out, my bro'

No matter what may happen next

I'll be there, you must know.

 

So tell your tale in record Thyme

Then we must hit the road

No Thyme to rest for we must now

Get in the travelin' mode.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

I’m so glad I caught you just in time

Before you will take off with bro’ Thyme

When the road you do hit

Make sure you’ll bring your wit

To continue this runaway crime

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Justin Thyme

 

A Thymeless Story as Told to the Lady in Red

by Ghost of Thyme in Front of the Campfire:

or "Juliet, Juliet, Wherefore Art Though, Juliet?"

 

Thyme and Thyme Again