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Of Mary and a Little Lamb
Some say it was our Mary who once stole a little lamb,
But I must tell you here and now that story is a scam.
For Mary has been known to love a fine and gooey stew
And ours only had this lamb because she ate the ewe!
Now you may think our Mary is a wolf in sheep's disguise,
But I swear Lady Mary never changes at moonrise,
And never feels the urge to howl at any kind of Moon,
Nor does she ever growl at sheepish people in a room.
So why on earth then did she eat the ewe and keep the lamb,
Instead of making herring salad covered up with jam?
I always loved to find the answers to a mystery,
But this time grab a hanky 'cause this tale's a tragedy!
~~~~~
I found her in the kitchen brewing up another dish
And simply asked her: "Mary is that ewe or is it fish?"
"Oh no," she said, "It’s ONE FLEW OVER, who was flying by,
Well, just the part I got my hands on, since I missed his thigh."
I checked in with ONE FLEW, still in one piece to my surprise,
"My alter ego's all she caught, thank goodness not a slice!
The woman chops up everything that moves, the silly cow,
And since that's edible I volunteer to make her chow!"
Disturbing news from one that once flew over cuckoo's nest,
So back to Mary in the kitchen, ready to invest;
I said: "Please tell me Mary it's not true about the ewe,
You surely could have used a Justin for a gooey stew."
"I’m glad you ask me Justin, 'cause I wasn’t thinking stew;
To have a ewe drop dead on me was something very new.
I saw this lamb, its fleece as white as snow, but surely not
The ewe, that looked real dirty - couldn’t clean it with a cloth.
So since it was our laundry day, I used the 'Stute's machine;
I washed her good and loved to see her swim like a sardine.
I took her out the yard into the sun when she was done;
To watch her walk around in circles was a lot of fun.
We have a fence to keep us in, but how was I to know
Doc Moose had set the voltage high - he loves to see us glow
In darkness when we break out for a trip to Corner Pub;
Instead it turned the ewe to instant roast inside a rug!
I know you will agree with me to never waste good roast,
So therefore I made stew of her and ate it with French toast.
And since I am allergic to just any kind of skin,
I’ll let you have the sheepskin to remind me of my sin.
Now ever since this happened I've been haunted day and night,
By bleating noises in my head, my nerves are real uptight.
It makes me chop off everything that moves and make a stew;
That lamb keeps bleating in my head: "Eat anything but ewe!"
Of course, being the lunatics we are, we changed the song
Of Mary and her little lamb; all Justins sang along.
We even made the hit parade - came in at number 9,
The people recognized the tune and really loved the rhyme!
"Our Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb,
Our Mary had a little lamb - she used its Mum for stew.
Now everywhere that Mary goes, Mary goes, Mary goes,
Now everywhere that Mary goes the lamb bleats: "Where’s my ewe?"
It followed her back to the 'Stute, to the 'Stute, to the 'Stute,
It followed her back to the 'Stute to haunt her night and day.
The lamb has claimed exclusive right, on her fright, every night,
The lamb has claimed exclusive right and turned her into prey!"
At long last some disturbing noises reached my ear one night.
'Twas Mary running down the halls, her eyes were full of fright!
She kicked and screamed - grinned sheepishly - she surely lost her mind;
To sit back and do nothing would be pleasant, but unkind.
Poor Mary's brain was in such pain, so we called Miss Ery,
Who gave her some electric shocks, performed lobotomy.
We felt so sad when we found Mary lost in-sanity,
So off we were to steal the key to Doc his pharmacy.
And Justin Toxicated mixed a drink not tried before,
Which put her right to sleep! It has been twenty years or more!
We call her Sleeping Beauty now and keep her stashed away,
But that's a different story I will share another day.
Remember Mary and her tale when playing that old tune,
Or drink a bloody Mary with a friend in the saloon.
Some sheep are black and changing that brings nothing but bad luck,
Although I must admit I really love that sheepskin rug!
Justin Genius
Justin G, I
can see you've been using your time with us
very
creatively. Makes this Nurse even more proud that
she has such a
wonderful bunch of Justins wandering
about the
halls. I'll send Doc Moose to give you a
check up though
since we're not totally sure what
might be
lurking in that rug.
Well now, as I
hum this little tune,
It makes me smile a bit this day
But sort of sad for the lamb and ewe
They didn't just up and run away
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